Blog

me
i think the prob with me...
ok ... at least one of the prob with me.
is that i think i'm someone who needs appreciation.
not that no one else need.
but in my context now... i need it more than any other times.
my mood does turn better even with a little acknowledgement,
it's the little spurs that keep spirits going.

in my situation now, i dun believe in accumulating all the appreciation to a later date, and give it all at one shot, in one big amount.
too late.
so prob that shows i'm someone who needs immediate gratification.
perhaps.
but whether it's situational (nurture) or imbued (nature), i can't say for sure.
it could be my non-verbal language that's telling people "zhisheng's strong", or "he looks like he dun need any encouragement"
if that's the case, i also dunno what i can do :)

i know of this now. or rather some time ago.
and i'm trying my best to shower praises and acknowledgement whenever possible.
absolut.
welfare's 2 events.
acad cell, but to farah only, cos shaun looks fine (again that might be where i'm wrong)

i do hope i made an impact.



at the end of the day, it could be just rantings from zhisheng.
relax.

you think they dun bother.
and thus you also dun make an effort to let them know.

they think you dun bother to let them know.
they also dun make an effort to take note.

a bad/sad case of self fulfiling prophecy.
often happens in life doesn't it....



thoughts fly too fast in my mind.
but i can't keep up by writing down.
which is not that good for myself.
cos some thoughts are good.
and i always forget them
(but everyone is like that right?)

i sort of told myself why i am so busy.
mother was ranting that i keep myself on the computer everyday.
dun clear newspaper.
dun tidy room
dun do this, dun do that.
and i told her i dun have a whole 4 -5 hours block to do these things!

my time are all half an hour, one hour slots.
after typing a bit of portfolio, i jump to read textbook.
then read a bit, i go clear email.
once start clearing email, means printing stuff and liaise with people to do more work.
occasionally, many msg windows come in and disrupts everything.

yah... i really dun have that long period of slot to accomplish something.
i can never complete anything at hand.
always doing things in PARTS!
no sense of closure.
always feeling something undone.
always forgetting to do some other things.

i dun like to tackle readings at ungodly hours, or after meals, or at bad time when no one needs me, but that time is the time sleep demons are most active...
but i caused myself to do that.

something like this keeps going on in my lifestyle.
and somehow... at this moment.
i feel that ...
that's a bloody big factor that i feel that i haven't got a break for a long time.
haven't had one whole long period JUST FOR MYSELF.
to do things i really want to do.






maybe life's not so bad huh?
i'm prep-ing for biathlon.
tiring my body every day.
i'm catching up on readings.
i'm working extra to earn and save money for my exchange.
and i'm gonna involve myself in ground work together with acad cell!
i'm....

tired

dun be afraid to use people

talent is something you can't change.
but commitment is something you can change.

haven't been updating my blog....
i know why i'm not writing it

I dunno where to start.
I rank it low in priority.
so what's high?
there's lots of other things for me to do.
it seems updating is not important at all.
yah and so i disappear.

ever since absolut ended, i needed a break.
badly needed one.

i still dun like people telling me must look positively at work, or yah.. get back to work soon.
or try to advise me to love my work, or telling me they had worst experience.
because i think they have not really tried to empathise,
maybe were patronising,
maybe couldn't really understand me,
or just trying to help, console.
but i think you need to put yourself in my shoes.
think in my context.
take on my perspective, keep in mind my beliefs, attitudes, personal sense of norms.
then maybe you know better how i just want to stay away for a long time.
BUT there is no one who can do that lah.
dun be silly zhisheng.
it's not possible to empathise to this level.

well, i did some things that made me happier, and fresher to begin the sem with.
the new stuff coming for next sem looks daunting.
not that i have not done worst.
but fear.
fear not because i cannot handle it.
but from trying to explain myself later on.
if i complain again, people start trying to advise, console me, or discredit me.
if i dun complain, it's gonna get all stuck inside, and i'm gonna show all that anger in my face.
you would rather see me complain than to see me insult others/beat someone up.

YAH I'M JUST WORRYING TOO MUCH.
better for myself to say so first, before i hear someone say it.
it sounds better when i say it myself.
then have to hear it from others later on.

at this time, one absolut truth is very important.
when you facilitate someone (normal situation, talking to someone)
dun pass your own values on them
dun give them solutions right at the start.
dun try to act guru.
they would be happier to have a listening ear.
who paraphrase them back and reassure them back with objective questioning.
rather than telling them what to do.
you dun facilitate this way.

maybe i should write about the absolut some time later.

wildful whining.
good to just let go.

gonna put something in place first...
a change of template so that people can see my blog again...

when i got time...
yes... when i got time...
will try out my new blog design....

dunno absolut's over ...
but i'm not exactly feeling relaxed liao
fear of what's more of swaps to come...

18th comm responsibilities...