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phew...
i'm done with Video!!
but i'm in trouble.
it's 342mb, mervyn's photos are 381 mb... which means can't fit into a 700mb cd.
I've got to cut mine.

Aiyo.
I just watched it again.
I feel it's quite touching towards the end.
Erase any part also like quite sad.
Sian.

But 3 weeks of hard work.
Let's hope it pays off during AGM nite.

I've finally started on SS readings.
Readings for lect 1 is 300 pages.
I think it's rubbish.
how can finish?

looks like i've got a lot to catch up on.
Time to start reading social psych also, should be another 150 over pages waiting.
And the tutorial readings from Lesko.
And the Chinese Tradition readings.
And the Stats 2 prep by reading up for Stats 1 essentials again. Can't do a t-test for nuts now.

And next week is devoted to AGM video.
Damn.

blogging isn't in the blood now.
dun really have time now too.

i'm sort of more calmed down now.
resigned to fate.
i will finish the video by myself now.
and yah, then i will give 18th comm a thought when i'm finally done.

but i'm getting screwed up on the other side.
notes not photostated.
readings not done. really, not even 10% done.
my days are video and lessons.
my nights are going home late due to various reasons and then spent trying to settle the unfinished stuff at home too.
It was unfinished since FOC started.

really really need to read now.
but i dun have the necessary awareness.
waking up at 7 everyday is taking its toll.
back to the unproductive style of reading and dozing off shit.
so it's kind of sucky when your initial video team tells you that they are busy with catching up on reading, or with other stuff.

this is definitely not the process i crave for.
"success and in this case, gratification is about the journey and not the destination".
i dun like the journey.

all will pass in another 2 weeks perhaps.
meanwhile, i'll try to be as normal as i can.
promise.

my hands are getting itchy
i think i wanna change my blog soon
i mean the layout of something.
dun really like the layout.
ha
shall see
my term is going to be over soon.
shall see whether i have the time then.

i have been a bad boy recently.
attitude wise.
it sucks, but i think i was never someone with good temper, or a good attitude to start with.
whatever.
time i lived my own life.
and try not to care so much about other's opinions about me.

being quite a while since i posted.
so sianz
busy
yup, i have finished my naruto now. till ep 88.
wait for my friend to burn more.
but actually i'm also now busy with publicity stuff and foc video
well, i feel like i'm working hard alone, yah maybe others are also...
can't we work hard together?
i'm feeling lonely.

why i die die want to watch naruto finish?
it's something that i have stalled for 3 months before i can watch it.
to watch naruto is to commit 30 plus hours to watching.
but hey, i have went thru shit to get foc kicking,
i deserved some of my own holiday liao, do i?
after exams finished in apr, i went back to army. then after army is foc.
it's not too bad to request some time for just myself right?
yes i went for redang... but 4 days out of 3 months, quite pathetic right?
now i'm busy with video editing (once again something new i've never done before) and still got to do publicity shit.
completing naruto is like defying the flow to me
to complete that is to like top up whatever lost time i had.
like telling myself at least you had time to finish naruto.
but damn, looks like i had to compromise.

being too hard on myself.
who cares if i dun satisfy other's requirement of me?
but it's just me to take other's opinions hard.
now i'm even damn busy with my desktop.
have spent 500+ on upgrading it liao, (cos it spoilt, must change)
still might spent more.
damn du lan
all this are making me sulky and sick, and all the more du lan that i've doing the video most of the time, alone.

sucks.

well...
i've sort of recovered from that outburst
it's still shitty lah....
but i have got better.

(oh and thanks sheng ying... (",)....)

i will most prob not entertain any of your request much.
i want to do my own stuff, settle whatever i have at hand first.

i am really looking like not running for the next swaps comm.
my face tells it.
i'm tired.
i've been telling people i dun like the way the comm is working.
not that i'm any better you know.
i do believe i have a passion towards this big commitment to swaps.
yup i want to see it flourish,
and i would love to do that under someone's good leadership.
i know i have the passion,
cos i have been coming up with all sorts of shit, extra stuff,
going thru the extra mile, strict QC on my pubs products,
volunteering to do things that were not my job scope.
I have been suggesting quite a lot, and trying to spearhead new ways of doing stuff, or new procedures, whatever. I do make the extra effort even if it means i'm doing it alone.

But people are not with me.
Not many share my passion, most dun express it, or can't express it even if they have.
I desire for those times in the past where more than one of us in the team shares the passion, and does it together. Suggestions build upon suggestions, efforts build upon efforts.
At the end of the day, we sit back to enjoy our own fruits.
Somewhere in NUS, these people still exist.
I believe.
Apparently there are not many in current SWAPS.
I have not acquire the skills to turn such a situation around.
How do i judge? one way that makes me think so, i believe manifest in the way someone handles stuff. The negative example i'm talking about are those who settle a stuff by opting for the most chop chop and less hassle way to get it done and dun care about making it well done, most of the time. And keeps putting you down when new ideas are spoken. The act of manifesting negative stuff is quite a determinant for me. Of cos i might be wrong. I would love to find out.

It's pointless for me to battle alone.
Might as well use the time to do some other self enriching stuff.
I hope for the day when it goes,
"i think zhisheng's idea is good, come on, let's build on that idea and make it really solid"
rather than
"are you sure it's going to work / do you have the time, do we have the time for this etc"

naive?
singaporeans are criticised to be lack of entrepreneurship etc, dun you think the core values that they had are pre-requisites for the a/m to happen?

getting very pissed by quite a number of people asking me for photos.
I WANT TIME FOR MYSELF !!!
not to spend time arranging correcting and then uploading the photos for you all to see, and then ask me to send the fucking 200over mb of pics to you over internet...

damn you.
you're killing my bandwidth.

"send me only those with this lah..."
damn you.
who's the one spending the next half an hour going thru the photos to select the ones you want and send to you?

i am not even responsible for 50% of the photos that appeared in my camera!
at least.
i'm seriously pissed loh... cos quite a few people are asking me for it loh.

come on lah.
i am having fucking more swaps then i can handle now lah.
give me a break can or not.

at least just for now lah....

school's starting next week

foc and dnd are both done.
i am like... ergh... the big shits are gone.
the little shits can be irritating as well

for the last few days, i really want to just do something that i wanted to do.
to have time for myself.
to do something i want to indulge in.

besides that there's so much i want to do...
the little shits keep appearing to irritate me.
and some habits like sitting in front of the comp for long hours is simply not helping matters.

maybe besides naruto... i shall just stay away from the comp for a few days.
get my stuff done.
and yah... i can't really be bothered with much stuff now.
not in the mood to organise much.
there's a time for everything.
i'll be quite happy cuddling in my own comfort for a few days of recuperation.
"Do not disturb"