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i'm almost done with army...
yes... i'm clearing leave now.
But i'm definitely not entirely idling at home!

With my new found time, i'm attending a basic photography course by NUSPS these 3 days, and i'm still hogged down by FOC, besides being a programmer, i'm somehow also the one doing the website.
And i'm going to Redang!
Will be away to Redang for a long-awaited break from coming Sun to Thiur night.
Spent quite a bit for this trip.
But considering that my ORD trip to Yunnan, Jiuzhaigou was wrecked by SARS, i'm dying to go somewhere to wind down.
the only bad thing probably was that i was the one who initiated this trip, wanted it to be a real getaway trip. So i wanted only one or two good friends to go with me. Along the way, we somehow gathered 7 people (duh...) and damn irritatingly some people were trying to direct my holiday!!! Stupid loh. So angry when someone tries to plan my holiday. I hate my personal time being ordered or manipulated by other people.
Well, i still take it to be a gathering, and keep my wrath away and probably direct it away, somehow.

Yah, meanwhile, i'll be kept really busy by Redang and FOC.
Redang... Redang, here i come!!

day to be remembered ~ 15 Jun

... for myself basically
because it has been an eventful day!

i remember in psychology i read that why a day becomes "eventful", mainly it breaks away from routine.
well... yesterday on leave, tomorrow also on leave.
so today back in camp it seems busy.

Got to be Video man for NCC Visit,

then impromptu went around filming Sch 2IC... wayang wayang lah...

then OC Kilo brought me more material for 2IC farewell video, so sian got to redo the video again.

and then found that Yahoo mail increased mail box size to 100mb!!

but most important of all:
NS IS GOING TO BE SHORTEN TO 2 YEARS!!!!

Heard the news came from Teo Chee Hean at about 4, and then SMS were flying everywhere by 4.15pm to inform everyone. Across camps, units, departments!

Later news rumoured that those enlisted before 2004 will ORD two months earlier. Those after 2004, 4 months earlier. And Wah... what am i doing back in BMTC? my two months would have been cancelled out!

There are good and bad points lah. Good as in people really get sick of army. Bad as in some, eg officers lost their last few months of pay (we get paid quite a hefty sum).

in fact yesterday has been interesting too!
i went out to check out camera after attending Basic Darkroom course in sch.
And i met quite a lot of old friends.
the more important one.
Anna is back!!
and damn she graduated...
two years only and i just finished year 1.
so sian.
but welcome back!

their 24km Route March

it's others route march...
and i'm here to witness it
i have regrets about not walking a 24km march with MY OWN recruits.
With my own obese recruits last time, i disrupted before they Passed Out
Hmm today's march... it would be quite strange walking with recruits that i don't know... plus my combat fitness should be ground level
But i'll never get to walk again.
With People i trained...
regrets regrets regrets...

How satisfying is it?
My buddy Gabriel is on MC with a broken wrist, and he's back to walk the 16km and the 24km with his recruits. He says, "I miss them lah"
Why is it satisfying?
My fellow officer in Bravo Coy had planned a holiday after POP, but the POP cocked up and was brought forward. Now he is going to his trip without finishing the last lap with his platoon. He says, "It's very sad you know... this is my most satisfying batch, PTP, have gone through so much with them, i really feel bad about not walking with them..."

Sorry but lots of memories of route marches in BMTC as a recruit, in OCS as a cadet, and with my own platoon in Bravo Coy just keep flooding back.
I led songs you see... and hence i have so much good memories of singing and marching... people responding with valor to your lead...

it's 3.30am now... as a disruptee officer in training office which is conducting..
"Left your left, your left right! Bravo!!!... Left right..."

tears of the sun ~ humanity

feeling caught up with my internal struggles again.
Do i be myself, or do i try to please everybody?

i am caught within myself
i always work alone, and still prefers to do everything by myeslf.
now when i need the company,
or rather when i feel the need to have someone by my side
when i need someone to ask me for a chat or something,
i can hardly find one.

am always bogged down by my own worries.
"If that something is within your limits, you would have changed it.
Therefore you shouldn't worry about something you can't control"
my conscious self knows that
but my subconscious keeps me thinking and worrying all the time

and the above two situations combined today to make me feel really sucky
i started the day well,
but i could just suddenly turn moody in a matter of a few hours.
thanks to my stuggle

reflect, reflect, reflect.
being in an army context once again.
watched "Tears of the Sun"
many people say it's not nice, nothing special, disappointment.
and i nearly missed a good show.
a movie like that does not have to be as pathetic and bloody like "Saving Private Ryan",
it doesn't have to be heroes gunning down scores of people to chalk up honour, valor, or sacrifice on screen time like "Black Hawk Down" or "Windtalkers"

This is a movie with a plot, like "A Few Good Man"
The name of the plot is HUMANITY.
No one deserves to be left behind, regardless whether he is black or white.
In the movie it was a struggle for LTA Waters (Bruce Willis) between Politics and Humanity.
For a soldier, your instructions are the rules
For a human, your conscience set the rules.

(We were soldiers)
"We were sent down by our country to fight for your ideals,
but when you start fighting,
it's never about the country,
never about the ideals
but about the men that are next to you"

(Black Hawk Down)
"Once that first blow goes past your head,politics go right out of the window"
"it's about the man next to you"
"no one gets left behind, you know that"

Somehow, being alone makes me wonder whether who i'll fight for next time.
i do not have a platoon to lead yet.
i am not well trained enough yet.
but i will some day...